3.5 Weeks, So Many Stories

So yes, that was a long blogging break. Although, I can’t say that it was a break from anything because since summer kicked into swing here at school, life has progressively gotten busier and crazier. And these are the months that are supposed to be slow, so that’s not saying good things for fall semester.

Life has been pretty freaking fantastic though, so don’t take me staying busy as a complaint. It’s been wonderful. I think of all those years I spent languishing at the CDC, sitting in front of a computer, hour after hour, with little face time with people I liked, and how every second I spent there, I wished for the life I have now. I appreciate everything I have here because I worked hard for it: my job, my friends, my relationships, and my partner. It has been 100% worth it to be able to say my life is busy all the time and I’m hardly ever bored anymore.

That last paragraph felt like the biggest victory ever.

I didn’t quite mean to stop blogging the last few weeks because things have been happening (I say that in the 70s, groovy, kind of way) but honestly, I just put this on the backburner to share. But now I’m back and I’ll fill you in on my life lately, because damn, it’s been good.

I’ve now had my new Mini for over 1 month and I’m totally in love. It’s fantastically fun to drive (like my last one) and I didn’t know this at the time, but it’s the perfect beach vehicle. We have packing for the beach down to an art. And since we know I love beautifully organized things, staring at my trunk filled with beach goodies is just such a joy. (I’m a dork.)

I’ve met a new friend, Jackie, and we’ve hung out a few times here and there, so that’s been refreshing. It’s so hard to meet new people, but if you don’t work with them, how on earth do you ever establish a relationship? She’s a super cool, chill woman, and her boyfriend and Timmy get along super well (like it’s hard to get along with Timmy), so hopefully we’ll be doing more things together this summer. Memorial Day weekend, we hit the Movies in the Park to see “The Jerk”, we took a dolphin sail tour and had a drinking day at the beach, and just in general had a great time! Yay to new friends!

Timmy and I finished the weekend in St. Pete with a fun date night and a stop at The Canopy, a beautiful downtown rooftop bar with amazing views of the waterfront. Since it was a holiday weekend, it was pretty empty, so we ordered some amazing drinks (my new favorite: Winter Sunset with a splash of agave), and loved on each other some more.

The following weekend, my favorite NYU ladies came down to visit. This is the first time they’ve all been down to visit me since I moved away after college, and we could not have had a better weekend if we tried. The weather was amazing, we laughed, shelled, relaxed, and I made them all jealous of the beautiful town I live in.

Saturday, I took them stand up paddleboarding with a few friends from work, and we accidentally on purpose ended up paddling for two hours. If any of us had known ahead of time how long we’d be out there, I don’t think they would’ve signed up. But before we knew it, we were too far out to go back and too nice to complain, so ahead we forged. It ended up being one of my favorite days in St. Pete yet. 🙂

I also took them to the Canopy, and promptly forgot that the weekend before had been a holiday weekend, so therefore not representative of the normal crowd that goes there on Saturday nights. It was kind of gross. Like the tunnel crowd in Manhattan. It was very club-ratty, and my precious Winter Sunset didn’t have any agave at all. Whatever, we still had a blast because what else can you do?

The next weekend (June has been and will continue to be PACKED on the weekends) we traveled over to Palm Coast to visit with Jake’s parents and his son. We previously had planned on the entire weekend, but due to a mistake in the planning, we only got one night with them. We wanted more, but hey, at least we got to visit at all! It was totally worth it too.

Jake’s son Aiden has such an immense love for his uncle Timmy, and I’m sad that I couldn’t get the one picture I wanted from that weekend. Those two together are like little devils, so I had to act fast to get candid shots like the one I wanted but ultimately got a blurred version. At dinner that night, Timmy was telling stories, and Aiden was staring at him with such a look of admiration, I got a little choked up watching it. It’s such an honor to be a part of that little guy’s life, and we definitely shared some age-appropriate stories about his father with him as promised.

Of course it was so difficult to leave them the next day as they packed up to head back to Atlanta. Cheryl cried, and it took everything I had in me to be strong and smile and wave. Love that family so much.

The rest of the weekend we spent napping and loving on Floyd. Because he’s a rescue, we only know the history that was told to the organization that rescued him, and who knows if that was the truth. We don’t have an actual birth date for him and I so desperately wanted to celebrate one, so we made it up! We’re assuming he’s around 5 years old, so that’s what we celebrated on June 8.

As you can tell from the photos, Floyd has some warming up to do with his birthday hat, and Timmy thought I was a complete moron, but you know what. I. don’t. care. That little dog has lit up our lives, and he deserves to know that we love every year he’s with us!

The past weekend, my entire family came down to visit and oh what fun we had. My sister, Jared, and Charlotte came last year to stay with us in Lakeland while they visited Disneyworld, but this is the first time all the adults have been down, sans children. I didn’t particularly sell Lakeland well, so once I moved to St. Pete, I sold the hell out of it. I secretly wanted to talk my parents into buying a condo downtown near the waterfront and I could potentially move into a bedroom, pay part of the mortgage and serve as property manager at the same time, and hey, everyone wins! I may have gotten closer to that goal, I’ll let you know how it goes. 🙂

Friday night, we had dinner at 400 Beach Seafood & Tap House, right next to the historic Vinoy Hotel where they stayed. Holy cow, that’s beautiful place. I absolutely recommend it. As for food, I have now been to 400 Beach three times and I highly recommend it. The oysters are to die for, and the food is generally delicious and well priced. You can’t lose.

I then took them back to the Canopy and we had the greatest time. A few of us were a little happy, happy, but who cares when all you have to do is walk one block back to the hotel!? Also, after we returned to the hotel, we made a bathroom trip before driving back to my apartment, and when I exited the restroom, there’s Timmy, playing the name game with four people at the hotel for a wedding (we seriously can’t get away from them), one of whom was originally from McDonough, GA. Shocked I tell you. I was shocked.

Their last night, I made us a reservation at the Maritana Grille in the historic Loews Don Cesar Hotel on St. Pete Beach, mainly because I’ve been wanting to check out the hotel every time I drive past it to get to the beach. It’s GORGEOUS. And the restaurant knocked it out of the park. I didn’t have one thing I didn’t like, and my family for the most part agreed. All of the fish was cooked perfectly and the desserts, holy crap. We also celebrated Father’s Day, and because my dad is a dork, his favorite gift was the book of Godfather quotes my sister and I got him because he desperately needs a new line other than, “Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.”

That’s it for now. I think I’ve caught you all up. Do you feel caught up? Please tell me you do. I don’t have time to take that nap that I desperately want after writing this post.

♥, VB

Crying Through the Om

I’ve been practicing yoga pretty steadily for the last three years for two main reasons: 1) my back is jacked to hell and I needed to find an exercise that strengthened my core without placing unnecessary stress on it, and 2) after reconstructive ankle surgery, my right leg was useless and I needed to rebuild its strength. I like yoga because you have to focus on the present or else you fall out of positions and frustration quickly takes over. You must be in control while also letting go in each pose. It’s very complicated stuff, this yoga.

I remember in college trying to get into yoga with my girlfriends and unfortunately, never succeeded. It was a breathing-centered yoga, and without fail, every class I would hyperventilate and pass out. Wow, that’s a really fun way to pass an hour of your life, let me tell you. So I gave up on yoga.

Until I found athletic yoga that so reminded me of my years as a ballet dancer. The concentration, the ability to improve strength and balance, the competitive side it brings out of me when I see someone more advanced, all while sweating my ass off — it was the perfect combination to hook me in. Over the years, I’ve seen a significant change in my body, in the way it looks, and also how it feels. It’s incredible to feel your body, I mean really feel it, as an adult. It’s totally different than lifting weights or your common cardio.

I know that yoga has restorative properties and can help with stress management, but I’ve never bought into the different breathing, chants, and de-toxifying mumbo jumbo that many instructors spit out like truth. When I hear, “This is really good at helping your liver breathe” I want to hurl the teacher out of the window. My public health brain is always on so don’t try to fool me with your soft, enchanting voice.

I go to yoga to shut my brain off but also to turn it on, to really focus on the pose and nothing but, and to breathe through the discomfort so I can lengthen and stretch. It’s harder than it looks, because you actually have to try to make it challenging. That’s the greatest thing about yoga in my opinion: it’s hard if you want to be harder, but it’s easy when you need it to be. There’s not a lot in life you can control like that.

Lately, things have been rough and amazing. I’ve been dealing with Jake’s loss in my own way, sometimes breaking down, other times laughing at an outfit that would definitely gain his approval (he was a clothes snob, btw). I’ve also been traveling like crazy this past month, in Spain for a week, Baltimore the next week for a conference, then Michigan for a certification program. My car broke down twice, and I’ve been collecting donations for Jake’s son’s college tuition savings plan from our high school class. It’s helped to keep me busy, but has definitely made it harder to process things. Now it’s April, and I look back on March like WTF happened?! Is it really over? We were so looking forward to Spain, and now it’s over. The conference, over. My time in Michigan, done (until October).

How is this ok? For time to move this quickly, and all of the sudden you look up, and it’s been over a month since your friend passed away. A month. I’ve barely had time to keep my head above water, and then a month is gone without me even realizing it.

Last week I got more bad news from an extremely close friend. I won’t say his name because he hasn’t gotten the results back nor am I sure that he has shared this beyond just his close friends, but he was diagnosed with testicular cancer.

Have you ever had bad news hit you so hard that you don’t even cry? Like, your brain can’t even process the words but it knows it’s bad? After I got the news, I just started to shake uncontrollably. I couldn’t stop it, I just shook, and the shaking didn’t even stop for sleep. I would jolt straight up in bed, shaking, after dreaming about losing another friend. The tears came later, when I left him a voicemail letting him know that I was thinking of him during his surgery, and that I wish I could be there for him and his family.

It’s just one punch after another, and the thought of losing another person, and in particular a person who helped shape who I am today, an individual that I can’t even separate from my adolescence or 20s, is too much for my head and heart to comprehend right now. I’m just trying to get through, hour by hour, but hoping that time doesn’t get away from me like it did last month.

And now we return to yoga. Yesterday, after an extremely invigorating Hot Power class in which I was able to complete yet one more advanced arm balance, we sat after savasana, the corpse pose, at the end of the practice. Savasana was the hardest pose for me to become comfortable with when I first started yoga. It requires you to lie still, and shut your brain off but stay focused. Sound confusing? It is. Letting your brain stay on but not running is the most difficult thing to learn how to do. I mean duh, meditation exists for a reason.

I cried the first time I got into savasana because the silence was the most uncomfortable for me. I couldn’t find a place of peace in it. And that was shameful to me. Why couldn’t I just be silent? What was wrong with me?

Last night, after savasana, we sat up to chant Om 3 times. Here’s what Wikipedia says about Om:

The vibration of “OM” symbolises the manifestation of God in form (“sāguna brahman”). “OM” is the reflection of the absolute reality, it is said to be “Adi Anadi”, without beginning or the end and embracing all that exists.[1] The mantra “OM” is the name of God, the vibration of the Supreme

Depending on the day, I could be okay with joining in and chanting Om with the group. Yesterday was one of those days. I sat, legs crossed, and chanted the first Om.

The vibrations started in my chest, and I immediately choked up. My throat closed up and my eyes filled with tears, and I had zero control. It was like the vibrations were forcing an emotional expression within me. Then the shock of what was happening hit me. What was happening??

The second Om began, and again the vibrations in my chest were almost too much for me. My voice broke, and I couldn’t finish the second Om. I was beginning to panic, in my head, because I wasn’t trying to be emotional. It was just happening. I was able to complete the third Om, only I used a much softer voice to chime in.

Let me remind you, I’m not the person that buys into this yogi divine stuff. I’ve never once given credence to the idea of yoga being a way to connect to the divine, or whatever. I still don’t know if I do, even after that experience.

All I know is that I needed that moment to sit in myself again. I’ve spent so much time the last month doing for others, or traveling, or being somewhere other than super present in myself and the moment, that I forgot what it felt like. To be here, right now, and be okay with being still. And in forgetting that, there came a sadness, a realization that it’s not okay to keep going, day after day, without being still and present. A reminder that life is about controlling and letting go, all at the same time.

Thank you yoga, for being there for me when I need that reminder the most.

♥, VB

The First Week

So we just wrapped up our first complete work week in Florida. Yes Timmy’s been working since mid December in FL, but this was the first consistent, we-have-a-place-to-live-and-have-a-routine, work week without any traveling back to Atlanta mixed in. In summary, I’m exhausted. Join me will you, as I recap our week and help you feel like you lived it with us.

I was a bit panicked this week at the thought of my now hour-long commute, back and forth to St. Petersburg. I’ve never lived more than 20 minutes away from work, so driving 60+ miles each way is still a little daunting. Thankfully me and my MINI are really good friends, and we only had to fill up gas 2x this week (imagine some other car. Holy crap, I’d immediately have to buy a hybrid). The commute so far hasn’t been too bad, it’s just been pretty sucky to leave when it’s dark and get home when it gets dark. I have to get up at 6 AM most mornings and be out the door no later than 6:45. And anyone who knows me knows I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. Mornings are the worst. Period.

But where I work is pretty amazeballs, and it’s only January. I can’t wait to see what happens this semester! It’s beautiful, right next to the waterfront, and gets tons of sunlight. Quite the departure from all my CDC cave-offices.

This is where I work. Lovely days ahead.

This is where I work. Lovely days ahead.

These babies won't be pale for much longer.

These babies won’t be pale for much longer.

But I also have to think about how am I going to fit in working out and who is going to watch Floyd? I need a hot yoga studio because of my back problems and it’s always hard finding one that offers classes that are at convenient times in a convenient location. Yoga is really the only exercise I can do with any results that won’t injure me any further. So that’s my plan for this upcoming week, is trying to establish some sort of work out routine and find a hot yoga studio. Continue reading