One Day at a Time

Ok, so it’s obvious that I have kinda given up on blogging. Life since getting married suddenly picked up speed and lately it has felt like I’m on a runaway train and it’s taking me everything I have to stop for milliseconds to look up and glance fleetingly at my surroundings.

It’s all going by so fast.

And we’ve decided to take on even more major life choices since our wedding, which has only lended itself to making me feel like I’m participating in my own life through fogged up goggles and ear muffs. It’s the weirdest feeling, to be making super adult decisions yet inside feeling like, huh? what? where? who? what are we doing?

Is this what happens for everyone after getting married? Because if this was some big secret that married couples have been keeping a secret from everyone, I’d like to send a big F you to y’all for leaving me so unprepared for and unaware of the next steps.

This blog was the first to get the ax for a while there. I have so much that I want to share (and at the same time, don’t want to share) but I just didn’t have the time or energy to put it all out here like usual business. So now, I’m going to try to retrace my steps and keep you in the loop of our lives here in St. Pete.

It’s been a doozy of a few months to say the least.

Timmy and I have now celebrated nearly 4 months of marriage. We’ve seen each other in person about half that time. His job takes him on the road to Atlanta, Jacksonville, Pensacola, Miami, and anywhere else in GA and FL just over half of the month. Our only real time is the weekends, which used to consist of us frolicking at the beach with beer and football throwing followed by seafood and sleep. Those weekends have since been replaced by hour after hour of demolition at our new house in south St. Pete.

Work has been really crazy for me, which is unusual, because in the almost 4 years I’ve worked at USFSP, I haven’t once felt like my plate was too full. But now, I’m teaching my class, working full time, advising my student group, and at the same time preparing to co-chair a strategic planning committee for our entire division, grade papers, see students for consultations, and preparing to teach a 2nd class in the spring.

Needless to say, we’re exhausted about 120% of the time.

And it’s been a struggle for us to maintain a sense of connection when nearly every night, we wait so long to Skype each other that we’re too tired to really talk and catch up. The majority of our marriage has been: “Hey love, what are you doing?” “Driving and then I have to…oops, I have a call from [insert name here]/I have a meeting to go to. Gotta go!” “OK love you.” “Love you.”

But honestly, I married this person because of the lifelong challenges he and our decisions together would have me face, in order to make me a better person. And all the decisions we’ve made up until this point have absolutely had the “is this is the right decision for us” question right at the heart of them. So while for now, our life seems like chaos, all day, every day, and we’re like passing ships in the night, afternoon, and morning, we’re going in the right direction.

It all started with our wedding weekend, which now, looking back, seemed awfully dramatic and hectic. While every moment I could control was filled with hope and laughter and honest joy at the thought of marrying Timmy, the other moments were also filled with other people behaving badly. I have since gained enough time away from that weekend to realize that I can selectively filter out those moments and remember only the love.

There was so much love. It makes me happy to remember it that way. And it was so much fun because there will never be another time we can have those people in the same room at the same time ever again. Not to mention our photos and videos are the BOMB.

Where are the photos, you may be asking right now. I know, I know, I’ve only shared about 4-5 photos out of the almost 1000 we got back. I have gotten MANY requests to share those photos. There are a number of reasons why I made the executive decision (and yes, it was just me and not Timmy and I) to not share them, but the main reason is this: I don’t want to. Ok hear me out…

Don’t get me wrong, that weekend was crazy fun. But it was also a weekend that happened to spin a little out of my control and left me feeling like the most private moment of my life happened in the most public way possible. At least, what I had wanted to be private turned out to be shared with nearly 280 people, lots of whom know me not at all.

So the jokes I cracked in my vows, only a small percentage understood them. The super personal declarations of love and our ability to rise beyond our history was only really understood by even fewer who knew about that time in our lives. And the rest of our audience didn’t have a real sense of our lives because they hadn’t lived it with us. Not by anyone’s fault, but simply because that’s how life is.

So for that reason, I choose to keep the photos private. They’ve been shared with the people that matter, the people that spent hours and time and money on us and our weekend, but that’ll probably be about it. I may choose to share a photo here and there, but don’t expect much.

And that’s that.

We haven’t been able to sort fully through the wedding videos, because while time kept moving for us, it didn’t for one of Timmy’s groomsmen. James unexpectedly passed away in his sleep about 2 months after our wedding. And it has only added to the feeling of our lives being one step ahead of us and we’re just running after the train, trying to get back on it.

Timmy has been struggling. I’ve been struggling. Adjusting to the death of a friend is difficult (to put it lightly), but something has shifted since being in our 30s and this death has taken on a new significance and sadness. It’s just different losing someone in your 30s than your 20s or younger. Sure it affects you back then, but you’re just a baby. You have no real concept of life, of how wonderful it can be, or how much life can surprise you if you let it.

You get it in your 30s. You’ve seen enough of life to understand that you can rise above the hardships and get lost in the wonder. When you lose someone now, it’s sadness on a level you didn’t know you could go. When Jake passed, we at least had time for closure. We knew his death was coming for a long time, so when he did die, it wasn’t this huge sense of shock. There was almost a sense of relief at him being released from the pain of cancer.

James just passed. Period. End of sentence. No opportunity for goodbye. None. Timmy didn’t handle it well. And I wasn’t handling this new space of marriage well. And it was all I could do to just let him be in the middle of grief and give him space to move through it. He’s doing slightly better, but there are still moments of tears, moments of true sadness as he misses his friend.

So thank you to everyone who reached out to the both of us, expressing your condolences and sadness. Although we couldn’t get to everyone, it meant the WORLD to us and especially to Timmy to know that you also thought James was ridiculous in the best way possible. Know that your love to Timmy was felt and appreciated.

And did I mention that we bought a house? Yea, how much can we pile on??? Our lives at this moment remind me 100% of this scene from My Cousin Vinny.

Except our lives right now are about 1/3 as funny.

Anywho, that’s about it for right now. Next time, I WILL RECAP OUR REHEARSAL DINNER. I’m screaming that to myself to keep me accountable.

Till next time!

♥, VB

 

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#TheVicTimWedding Rehearsal Dinner Video

In a time of such sorrow, I choose to spread love. I choose to be grateful. I choose to be thankful.

Thank you to our loved ones for supporting us always. If it went by too fast at the rehearsal dinner or if you haven’t seen it, please enjoy.

♥, VB

Parties Galore

Do you understand what it feels like to have people throw parties in your honor? It’s like this completely overwhelming mixture of appreciation, love, gratitude, humility, and guilt, wrapped up into 72 hours. That’s what this past weekend was like for us.

If you know me (or have read this blog), you should be well aware by now that I like to plan. This weekend was a planner’s crazed wet dream. From the second we landed in Atlanta Thursday night until we left Sunday evening, I don’t think we got to sit down and chill out for more than 30 minutes at any given time.

Because we only have limited time whenever we come back to Atlanta, we usually have to do double duty with social events. We want to see everyone but time constraints make it hard to prioritize. Not so with this weekend! We had a number of close friends and family ask if they could throw parties in honor of our upcoming wedding, so to save airfare, we requested that they be hosted on the same day. Who needs sleep, right?

Friday, we hit the ground running. Got our marriage license, got my nails done, had a hair and makeup trial while Timmy went to a hotel to check out suites for our wedding weekend, then we had a rehearsal dinner tasting and venue walk-through with the caterer.

So while we planned to come home for a full day on Saturday, it occurred to me if people were going to be in town for these parties, why not try to throw yet another thing in the mix? Since I could be classified as insane, I decided to take on the monumental task of hosting a party at Timmy’s mother’s house on Friday night.

Because Timmy’s first bachelor party did not really go as planned (read: massive drama ensued), I decided to throw him a surprise bachelor party 2.0. My anxiety was at an all-time high trying to plan this party and keep it a surprise from him. Do you know how difficult it is to do that when you live in less than 800 square feet??

For weeks, I had to make sure my phone was on me at all times in case one of his friends texted me. I had covert phone conversations with his mother and texted with his stepfather to ensure that everything would go as planned. It drove me insane to have to depend on other people to get this done, but concessions had to be made as I knew that I would have ZERO time to pick up food, drinks, and a passenger van that I chauffeured to and from Decatur to make sure no one drank and drove.

Barbara and Trey really came through for us on this event, and I could never thank them enough. Towards the last hour or so, Barbara began to crack trying to stall Timmy while I finished setting up at the house. He got so suspicious, I don’t know how Barbara managed not to just give up and tell him! Major props to her though as she used a fantastic stalling technique at the bar they were at before they came home: asking Timmy what the differences are between a Roth and Traditional IRA. Genius.

Once he got home and saw the door closed to the living room, a smile spread on his face, because while he knew something was up, he didn’t know what. And when he walked into the room and saw his friends, he was still so confused! I had to tell him it was his Bachelor Party 2.0 before he realized what was happening. He lit up and the rest is history.

To be honest, this party wasn’t the most incredible production ever. It was nothing fancy, nothing crazy, just an opportunity for him to get together with his best buds for a night of drinking, laughs, and catching up. And it 100% worked. He said later that the bad memories from his first bachelor party were a dim memory compared to his 2nd fiesta.

And all was right in the world.

Saturday was NON STOP. I made it crystal clear to Timmy and his friends that fun could be had, but not so much fun that he couldn’t wake up for our 11 am shower being thrown by Timmy’s neighborhood friends. Sure enough, he woke up slightly hungover but hey, he woke up and made the best of it.

We walked two doors down to the most incredible food spread and warm and welcoming people ever. It was incredible. These people hardly know me and my parents but spent a lot of time making us feel loved and part of the group. It meant so much!

And the gifts! I’m still not over the feeling that registering for gifts is one of the most 1st World things one can do, especially when you’re in your 30s and already own everything you need. And even after registering, we were told 3 separate times that weekend that we hadn’t registered for enough!! CRAZY TALK, I tell you!!

After our first shower ever, we walked out of there on a high immediately followed by a 2 hour nap at Barbara’s. You’ll see that the two gifts I decided to include in the pictures are our favorites only because 1) I have wanted an immersion blender for YEARS, and 2) Timmy and I have now worn our monogrammed robes every night since we got home. Thank you thank you thank you!

Saturday culminated in another party thrown for us by our friends Mathew, his fiance Lucie, Michael and his wife Abigail (who unfortunately couldn’t make it from DC). This was known as the “young people’s party” and we did it up! Gosh this was so fun.

We got to see so many of our friends that night, food, drinks, the works! And of course, it’s not a party until someone lights an old Christmas tree on fire and endangers the neighborhood, right?

Right?

Other than that safety hazard, we stayed there until close to 1:30 am and got home just in time for Daylight Savings Time, which has royally kicked my ass. Just an FYI, it’s incredibly hard to recover from a weekend of partying AND an hour lost. (Ugh, isn’t our life so hard?!?!)

Sunday we finished up with lunch with our wedding planner extraordinaire to review the timeline for our wedding weekend, and visited with a friend who is about to undergo some pretty scary brain surgery in a week. We flew out Sunday night and I haven’t really recovered since.

The weather could NOT have been more perfect. We waited for rain everyday, and it never happened. Actually the rain came, no joke, RIGHT as we left for the car after Saturday night’s party. It’s like the world’s forces conspired to make sure we had the greatest weekend ever.

As we left for the airport Sunday evening, the feelings from the weekend began to hit me. The well-wishes, the congratulations, the amount of support we have behind our relationship is overwhelming. We couldn’t fail even if we wanted to; it’s clear to us how many people have our backs. We still can’t believe how much time and effort and love was put into everything.

To everyone who played a role in this weekend, small or large, THANK YOU. Truly, completely, just THANK YOU.

♥, VB & Timmy

Just The Way We Like It

This past month has been grueling. I’m 100% not ready to write about everything that happened as it’s been a pretty emotional and exhausting time, but I promise I will.

In the meantime, I thought today was as good a day as any to share something Timmy and I have had so much fun with the past few months: planning them, taking them, sharing them. When I say fun, I mean F-U-N. As in tears streaming down our faces because we can’t stop laughing at ourselves and all of our completely brilliant ideas.

I am of course talking about our engagement pictures.

If you know us, you are probably slightly aware of the fact that Timmy and I like to laugh and enjoy making others laugh as well. We’re pretty self-deprecating and will do whatever we can to get that laugh. Even when others think we’re morons, at least we’re laughing first and foremost (and sometimes last).

Clearly, our engagement pictures were the perfect vehicle for this. I originally had some really ambitious ideas for photoshopping and visual imagery that were, in essence, our way of saying “F*&k You Pinterest” for making everyone believe that having the exact same type of engagement picture is somehow a good thing. As if couples should no longer seek to share something that makes them unique or create a little window into their life together for others to see.

Railroad tracks, old bridges, and brick walls are not unique, my friends. Not anymore.

Unfortunately, I had to give that dream up as our original photographer almost died after taking our original shots in February and I didn’t really think it would be appropriate to be like, “Hey James’ family, I know your son is like at death’s door, but can I grab those pictures when you get a chance? Kthanksbye.”

Like many things I wanted for our wedding planning, compromise was the name of the game. And also a pain in the ass, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

So we enlisted our wedding photographer, Raven Shutley from YouAreRaven (I found her on A Practical Wedding who is not only affordable but takes the most breathtaking photos with a very light editing touch), to meet us one weekend morning in Atlanta in May. I loved her work online and couldn’t wait to work with her. I feel very strongly that our photos should look like us; I didn’t want us so retouched that we look like robots. We filled Raven in on what we were looking to do: nothing serious, nothing romantic, nothing lovey-dovey, and certainly nothing Pinterest-like. Not only did she get it, she was 100% down with getting the photos we wanted and never once tried to sway us from our vision.

Why go through so much trouble to get silly photos, you may ask? Honestly, that’s just who we are. If you’ve ever spent time with us as a couple, you know that we poke fun at each other and ourselves, we’re silly, and we genuinely enjoy bringing people into the fun, crazy world we bring to life every time we’re with each other. To showcase any other image through photos that we’ll own forever would not only be inauthentic, it would be a flat-out lie.

Anyone can capture a loving gaze. Anyone can shoot just the bride and ignore the groom entirely. Not everyone can capture the essence of your relationship through a photo. And that’s what Raven was able to accomplish.

Once we finished the session (which included about 30 minutes of searching for the Beltline Trail entrance until we just gave up and went to the park I played in as a child, and afterwards we drove to the restaurant to finish shooting and meet my parents for lunch, we drove right over the Trail not even 2 miles from the park…), we anxiously awaited the return of the photos. Once they were ready, we had a Google Hangout with Raven where, I’m not joking, the 3 of us laughed so hard at the final products that we barely got a word in the entire time we were on the call.

I’d call the entire thing a complete success. Once we chose the photos we wanted to include in our Save the Dates, I got busy designing the cards and spent HOURS staring at my computer, collapsing in never-ending giggles. Timmy and I chose 6 different Save the Dates, so everyone on our list got a different one. Timmy and I spent last weekend going through our guest list, and one by one, decided who should get which card, and laughed the entire time we did it.

Are these Save the Dates completely appropriate? Not so much. Are they romantic? Nope. Are they us? YES. 100 million times YES.

I’m sure our parents would’ve liked something a little more tame and traditional, but I have to admit, we wouldn’t change a single thing about the photos or the cards. I have the feeling that our parents think that I’m 100% responsible for the direction these photos took, but I want to remind them and everyone else that like most everything in this relationship, we make EVERY decision together (which drives me insane the majority of the time). Nothing that represents us as a couple is decided by either of us in isolation, so if you’re a little ticked about the photos, all I ask is that you remember that it wasn’t just me.

Oh, and get over it.

Timmy and I will remember planning the poses, taking these photos, and choosing who gets which card as times of doubled-over laughter and deep bonding, as we were continuously reminded of why we chose each other in the first place and why we choose every day to stay together.

Enjoy a few of the photos we took that day.

FYI, I doubt our wedding pictures are going to be much different, so stay tuned. 🙂

To Raven, you made our dreams come true. You can read Raven’s blog about our engagement session here.

♥,

VB